#15: You said I am emotionally disturbed.

You suck because you told everyone that I am emotionally disturbed.

You blew me off. You stopped talking to me. You treated me like shit. So I let you go. I changed my number. I walked away. But it was hard. Because I am a dumb chick that let a man treat her like shit, just so she could experience some good times.

So imagine my frustration when you emailed me four months after i hadn’t talked to you. You didn’t say you missed me, you didn’t apologize for blowing me off, no. You told me that I was crazy and pathetic for telling everyone I had a restraining order against you.

Obviously, I would never say such a thing- restraining order? Honestly, I wish I could be so mean. Obviously, you would believe anything that would come out her mouth. Obviously.

So obviously, it is no surprise that you also emailed my friend, and told her that “The more you get know her, the more you will come to realize just how emotionally disturbed she is.”

Yes. So I am emotionally disturbed because it kind of hurt when you lied to me a thousand times, fucked 15 different girls while you were with me, and then threw me away with your garbage.

You suck because you told everyone that I am emotionally disturbed.

#14: You’re white and you create hip hop.

You suck because you’re white and you create hip hop.

You are white, and you sample hip hop tracks and then proceed to sell them to black rappers. And this is your dream job.

You do a great job.

You suck because you’re white and you create hip hop.

#13: You are too interested in the meaningless.

You suck because you are too interested in the meaningless.

No one can possibly get that involved in my really pointless small talk. It throws me off- You listening so intently to me describing the details of my upcoming schedule- It’s kind of disgusting.

I have no idea what goes into the opelousas sauce, and I don’t really care, so we really don’t have to talk anymore about it.

We work together, so I understand being cordial, but this? This regard for the futile is kind of killing me.

You suck because you are too interested in the meaningless.

#12: You blocked me on facebook.

You suck because you blocked me on facebook.

To block someone on facebook, you would either need to be very immature, or actually have a real problem with said person knowing you exist over such a medium.

I have blocked one person in my entire life from being able to know I exist on facebook, and that would be the man that sexually assaulted me.

So for you to block me after I decide to stick up for a friend, because I have a problem with how you selfishly throw her around, while you’re trying to date your best friend’s sister, is foolish.

For you to block me, because you are afraid that I will tell your best friend that you are cheating on his sister, is not anyway to go about it. I have not told anyone that you are a bad a guy. I’ve only told you to your face. Oh face. What a fucking concept, big guy.

Blocking me does not cover your tracks. All it does is help your conscious deal with the fact that someone in the world knows you suck, and has a problem with it. Maybe you had a problem because one inglorious week, we made out, and you became a stage 5 clinger- But I’m sure it’s “oh so much more than that.”

You suck because you blocked me on facebook.

#11: You cheated on me.

You suck because you cheated on me.

You like to remember the times when we were doing really well. You know when I first let you have it all. When we went out every night, got sloshed and went back to your place.

I don’t remember these times as fondly. Because I seem to remember a girl you took with you to our mutual friend’s show. You held hands with her as she stroked your back.

You didn’t say hi to me. You ignored me. I stood there in disbelief. I was so taken aback, I didn’t say anything. It felt as much like a stun-gun as anything I could imagine would.

Later you called me drunk. You told me she showed you some of the goods. I hung up on you.

It’s not even like you cheated on me. It’s kind of like you dangled it in front of me to see what I would do. And I did nothing. No one expects to be treated that way. And I was not strong enough to snap out of it long enough to tell you to fuck off.

And these were our good times. Fuck off.

You suck because you cheated on me.

#10: You cheated on your girlfriend with me.

You suck because you cheated on your girlfriend with me.

Multiple times.

The first time I ever became the other girl was with this bartender. He lived with his girlfriend and their dog. To pretend I didn’t know, was more of a defense mechanism than stupidity. But looking back, I know how ignorant it actually was. I had a crush on him for a few years, and I kind of thought that hooking up with him might make him like me more than his current live-in.

I was wrong, and vowed never to do that again.

So imagine my frustration when I found out that the night we hooked up in the back of your best friend’s Honda, you actually slept with your girlfriend, while I was out with your friends at Denny’s. Imagine my confusion when you called me the next day, yelling at me for taking advantage of you.

This story could have ended there, but it didn’t. I found myself at your house many times after that. You bought me drinks. You invited me over. You built me a fire. You invited me over. You put in a movie alone. You invited me over. And I came over every time.

I wondered for a little while why she hated me so much. But then it became clear. Too bad you failed to mention to me that you were taken. Too bad I knew nothing for sure, until you two broke up about three months later. Too bad I’m an idiot, and kept doing it even when I had suspicions. Too bad I honestly thought that you would leave her for me.

Again, stupid me.

You suck because you cheated on your girlfriend with me.

#9: You told me not to tell.

You suck because you told me not to tell.

Okay, so kissing and telling never seems to be an option that looks good on paper. But is it really wrong to tell people that you kissed/fucked/blew someone? I mean, you can do whatever you want with whomever you did. But then you do have to understand that sometimes blurting out all your sexual conquests is not the best idea, unless you want to end up like Paris Hilton.

But here is the thing: I liked you. You came over to my house. You jumped in my bed. You gave me the huge hickey, so I gave you one back. It’s not my fault that it happened to be bigger than the one on my neck. I would have stopped, but you bit my wrist so hard, I couldn’t stop. You drew blood, and now, a year later I still have a scar.

So yeah, in the morning, when I so graciously drove you back to your car, and cleaned up your broken beer bottles on my floor- you had the nerve to tell me not to tell your ex that the mark on your neck was from me- I was no longer going to be nice.

So, I hope you weren’t mad when I told everyone that the “razor burn” you received earlier that morning, was actually from my mouth and teeth last night. I hope you weren’t mad when your ex-girlfriend asked me who gave me the horrid bite mark on my wrist and I told her it was from you.

I would never have told anyone, had you been a little bit more of a man. A little bit more aware of feelings. And a little bit less selfish.

So how did that work out for you? She fucked you again. I know. But I’m glad I could have put an obstacle in the way.

You suck because you told me not to tell.

#8: You left without saying goodbye.

You suck because you left without saying goodbye.

I’m not a sap. I do not need the long goodbye letter, with the roses and the nine hour conversation before you leave. But don’t treat me like I don’t matter to you.

The truth is I do matter. Whether or not you would ever be willing to deal with this fact, the actuality of the situation is that at some point in your life, you loved me more than I loved you. I say this with certainty, because I know you. Like it or not, I do.

I know that you are a fucked up individual with daddy issues, and a low self-esteem. But that does not mean you get to pack up and leave without so much as a phone call telling me that you will not see me for a few months, and that you will miss me.

I don’t care if you had too much on your mind, you could have called when you arrived. I don’t care if I honestly didn’t cross your mind for a month, you could have called then. I may not have wanted to hear your voice, but you know better than that. You know I would have been relieved.

You can’t just play with people feelings. You can’t tell them you love them one day, and just leave the next. I don’t care at this point where you are, if you almost died from MRSA, or lost your job. You are dead to me. And I’m so glad you came home, so that I can ignore you now. And you can miss me on the days you normally would have invited me over, and I’ll miss you everyday.

But that’s the pain I will have to deal with- I will remove you from me, knowing you couldn’t have cared less when you left me. And tell me that this shouldn’t hurt like hell.

You suck because you left without saying goodbye.

#7: You ditched me on my birthday.

You suck because you ditched me on my birthday.

As bothersome as ditching can be on any occasion, I do not think you need to be a scientist to understand that a birthday ditching is the worst. For some reason, birthdays always suck a little bit more than the average day.

The day is yours, so you always feel the need to do something special for yourself, and if you are like me, that means going to Starbucks four times, and waiting around for phone calls from your best friends, so that they too can remind you how special you are. If someone forgets, you notice, and the day is ruined.

So please, don’t say you are going to take me out. Don’t plan an over the top extravaganza just to hear yourself talk. I don’t want it. I want you to be there, and if that means to not make plans, but just to spontaneously sweep me off my feet, then that’s what I want.

I didn’t like waiting around for you to tell me when you were going to pick me up. I did not like getting off work early so that I had time to look extra pretty for you, when it turned out, you didn’t even care.

And if you are going to blow me off, how about at least telling me it’s not going to happen so that I can make other plans. Don’t put me in the position to doubt you. Don’t wait for me to text you, and tell you that you’re a dick before you throw out the “happy b-day” text back.

If you had broken my heart a thousand times before, I cannot even recall. I was dead to emotion that day. Congratulations, it was all because of you and your stupid, “Oh baby, I want to take you downtown and buy you a drink. I can’t wait… we’re still on for your birthday right? I mean for real, I really want to take you out.”

The day you blew me off on my birthday is equivalent to the day I met you. The new worst day of my life.

You suck because you ditched me on my birthday.

#6: You compared my life to The Hills.

You suck because you compared the hard time in my life to an episode of The Hills.

After of about an hour conversation covering my hatred for reality TV, and even more importantly my disgust for the boring, dramatic reality of The Hills, we started to talking about the worst day of my life.

I told you of the aftermath. The pain that came with the way my friends treated me. What people did to me afterwards. I told you how sad it still makes me.

You chime in with, “God, it sounds like an episode of The Hills.”

And you still don’t know why I didn’t want to go on a second date. The funniest part about it is that if I had explained the conversation to someone, they might have assumed you just didn’t like me that much. Apparently, the boy that didn’t like me that much, had an affliction to being a “Stage 5 Clinger.”

You suck because you compared the hard time in my life to an episode of The Hills.